it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
