You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
