bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
