I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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