I could make wine with my vomit
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
