Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
