I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
