I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
