He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
