you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
