I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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