her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So much rum. So many feels.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
