Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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