My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize