I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You need a sexual gate keeper
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
