What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
