I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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