the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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