some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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