He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
