dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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