my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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