Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
