Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
