called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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