my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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