just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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