I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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