I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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