I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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