Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
