A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
