literally had 100 drinks last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
