I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
