In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The beer is more important than you right now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
