these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
