i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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