its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
