Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
