I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize