While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
