all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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