Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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