I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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