lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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