So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
