I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
