My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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