i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
