Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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