I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just gargled with NyQuil
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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