is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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