Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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