haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't turn off my feet"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
