In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
