I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
