i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
