Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
