There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
