I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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