How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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