If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
