vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
