shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
