At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
