3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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