Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Welp...herpes.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
