The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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