I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
