I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
