I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
