Porn is love you can see.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
