the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
