I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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