yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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