I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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