Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
