How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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