Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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