More tranny stories later!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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