she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
