Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
