it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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