Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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