For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
