Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
