all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
