I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
