I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
