maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
