Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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