Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
