So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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