I'm going to jail i love you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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