My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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