The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize