I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
