Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
