Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
