Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
