My room smells like vodka and shame
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
