She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize