don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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