Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
