The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
